At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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