I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.