I think I am morally bankrupt
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
