ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.