Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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