There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.