I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
