How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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