I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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