I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Two words: blizzard sex
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
