You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
