I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
