ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize