Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
