we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
