watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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