She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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