id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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