I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
