Already got asked if we're dating
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
