Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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