These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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