Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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