Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
