the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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