She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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