Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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