Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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