Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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