you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
