We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
