Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
