Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
