A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Text me some of your sweat
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
