I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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