So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
are you so shy because you have an std?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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