Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize