she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
