peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
