THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
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I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
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Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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