the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
