sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
