We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Fuck appropriateness.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
