this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
