11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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