His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
