My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
