If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
3pm strippers are depressing
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Randomize
