woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
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