yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize