i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
