You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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