Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
