pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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