You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
she told me i tasted like america
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize
