He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
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