Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
splinters make it hard to masturbate
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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