I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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