Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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