No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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