fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
