remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
