I have demons in me.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
