are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You are the jesus of drinking
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
