I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Randomize
