he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
