We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
