The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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