yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
