Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
