He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
