I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
