Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
We talked him into tasing himself.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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