So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
