You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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